Gender Dyshoria might be making you into a better leader

Hi! Yeah, ok, just to say I kind of hate that you guys can see all my clothes, but it works for the rest of the room in a big way. Ok, yeah, so, the symptom of gender dysphoria, right? Highly distressing, feels like it is in charge of your life a lot of the time, you know. I have demoted Gender Dysphoria from boss of my life to on the board of my life, so it still has a voting, it still has voting rights into the directions I go. But it can feel like it’s really in charge of you. And so you know, it can be really easy to just want to be life god fuck gender dysphoria, fuck it. It can be really easy to feel like cursed, like what the, why the fuck did I get this stupid-ass thing? Why couldn’t I have had like…I don’t know, no mental illness, that would’ve been great. Or like why couldn’t I…I don’t know. Why do I have to deal with these feelings and stuff like that.

Well let me suggest, I just want to suggest that there might be really good reasons why you were given this set of feelings and circumstances to work through. And I just want to suggest , and this is gonna sound insane, but just hang with me for five minutes on this, that perhaps you were given gender dysphoria to develop your leadership skills. I know, this sounds totally kooky. Um, but, the thing about feeling like you are in a body that keeps people from being able to see the real you is that it gives you this really full and complex knowledge of what that situation is.

You know I honestly think all human beings feel that way at points in their life, I would characterize those of us who have gender dysphoria as having like that feeling like all of the time, you know. Which is a terrible feeling, it’s terrible to feel like you fundamentally are getting misunderstood every minute that you’re awake because of the body you come in. But that feeling of being misunderstood and being able to be…not being able to be seen is a feeling that every human being has and I think that it’s a feeling that just kind of grows as we age. I think most older people will tell you that like they get misunderstood and they get written off and they get ignored and they are not given chances to be their authentic selves because we do that to older people, because we write them off and we don’t let them, we don’t give them a chance to tell us who they are. We’re just like, oh ok you cute older lady. Or you grumpy old man. So those of us with gender dysphoria have sort of a very specific battle going on with this set of symptoms.

The thing is that being a person who can hold in your head that the outsides of people, that your first impression of people, is not actually accurate, is not actually who they totally are, is like intensely valuable for leadership. Because if you can know that about a stranger that you’re meeting then that curiousity about who they are and what motivates them and why they wake up and do the things they do, because your first impression of them is not telling you those things. Like, I guarantee you. Like, even if they seem to conform to a stereotype all the way through. Like, even if you’re like, hey look at this white girl. Like, she like is wearing the Han Solo fall outfit, tall boots, the plaid shirt, the quilted vest, and she’s sipping on a pumpkin spice latte and you know, what else do white girls love? I don’t know, yoga and Jesus and ombre hair, you know, uh the whole white girl package, it’s very easy to be like, oh why does she do those things? Well she does those things because she’s a white girl and that’s what white girls do. True. It’s partly true, it’s like at least half true, but also there’s something else going on there.

There’s something else going on. And it might not be a deep something else, it might be just that her friends do those things, it might be that her mom models those things for her, it might be that she has certain ideas about what a pretty girl means, about what a hot girl means, it also might be she has ideas about what a respectable girl does. What I’m saying is that she has a full inner life. She has a whole psychological set of actors happening inside her that motivate her, and inhibit her and there’s all kinds of stuff going on in there. She has a universe of things happening inside of her head. And you can’t lead people that you aren’t interested in knowing, you can’t. Really, you know people, the number one thing about making people like you is them receiving the message that you like them. And you can’t like someone that you’re not interested in getting to know, you can’t like someone you’re not curious about, you can’t like someone you’re not even allowing yourself the chance to feel warm towards them.

So, regardless of what else you do with your gender dysphoria, in terms of how you change your body, or in terms of how you carry your body, or in terms of how you dress or how you present yourself, what you put on your face, how you cut your hair, what you request people call you, all this stuff, regardless of all that stuff, all the choices that you make in terms of how to deal with this set of symptoms, like let’s put all that aside, let’s put all of our differences aside in terms of how we react to those feelings- those feelings, for all of us, give us an insight into taking that moment past the first impression. To recognizing that everyone has this inner universe that their outside is not giving us any insight into. And if we can sit with and hold that knowledge, that can be the entryway to developing the kinds of relationships that make you into an effective leader. That make you able to lead people who perhaps don’t look anything like you, make you able to lead people who feel themselves to be culturally coming from a very different standpoint than you.

You know first impressions matter so much. First impressions like, it is just the truth that the skin that we were determines so much about how we are treated as we move through the world. The opportunities that are given to us, whether we are allowed to finish our sentences, whether we are assumed to be like good people or bad people, so much is determined from this skin we wear. And that is a terrible thing about this world, but it’s the truth. People, when you give people a break from that, when you set yourself up as a person who will give people a break from that, who will not go with the first impression, who will give them an extra minute, an extra two minutes to tell you about their inner universe, you become so much more powerful and effective.

So oh gosh, so this is ten minutes, not five minutes, I’m sorry. So guys, regardless of what you do with your gender dysphoria, if you see this video because you see it on a reddit thread that is all about what a dumbass bitch I am, cool, regardless of what you do with your gender dysphoria, I just want to suggest that perhaps you were given this symptom because you are supposed to be a leader. You were being set up by whatever, the universe, God, I don’t know, just consider that you perhaps were set up with this particular symptom because the universe wanted you to have the wisdom and insight about the human condition and about other people that this particular symptom gives you. I know I’m going to be accused of bright-siding things, I know I’m going to be accused of being just generally a dumb bitch, fine. That’s fine. I think that if you are gender dysphoric there is a chance that perhaps you are supposed to be a leader of people. Ok. This dumb bitch is getting into her day. Take care guys, bye.

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