Don’t try to convince people to detransition with my videos

Good morning! This is gonna be an angry video, I’m just letting you know that now. Yeah, ok, so here’s the thing, um, don’t send my videos to trans people trying to convince them to detransition. Don’t do that bullshit! Don’t do that.

Here’s the thing about detransitioned people- we’re not recruiting, ok?! Like, if the amount of people who detransitioned, as of this moment, never changed, like if this was it, we reached a cap, no one else in the history of, you know, the industrialized world going forward ever did another medical intervention that they regretted, I would feel like I had my hands full at this point. Like, so, the fact is I think we’re going to see a lot more people detransitioning, but I don’t need to exacerbate the process, ok? I get an overwhelming amount of people asking for support and in general I am not capable of providing that support. I get people emailing me asking for endocrinology referrals, I get people emailing me revealing pretty intimate details of their struggles, and I am honored to be given that level of trust, but…like,….I get that you want this to be a movement, I get that you want this to be like a thing that affirms your ideology about how the world should work. That’s not what’s going on here, ok?

That’s not what I want to have happen. What I want to have happen is I want every person who detransitions to not kill themselves, to not be miserable for years because they think detransitioning makes them look weak, or makes them look crazy, or makes them look, you know, like they hate trans people. This is fundamentally about people’s well-being. I get that people on all sides of this would like it to be about something other than people’s wellbeing. I get that like people don’t want people’s lives to be complicated and complex and specific. But that’s a fantasy. Everyone’s life is really different, and thus everyone’s choices in life have to be very different and that is why adults should make their own choices.

It is true it is my opinion, and I feel strongly about this, that I do not believe that people under 18 should be making these choices. And I feel strongly that puberty blockers like Lupron are a medical intervention with serious enough repercussions for a variety of health issues that I think you should be an adult when you make the choice to take that stuff. And I probably would never take that stuff- they don’t only use it for puberty blocking at all, that’s like the least, that’s the thing this set of drugs gets used least for. It mostly is used in IVF (in vitro fertilization), it gets used for fibroids a lot, I think prostrate cancer, and then they do use it for kids with precocious puberty, which I….I don’t know, I’m not a doctor, I don’t know enough about precocious puberty, but like there are enough people really upset about changes in their health following dosing of Lupron from IVF and stuff that I….I wouldn’t put it in my body,. And I’m an adult and I get to make that decision. And also let’s be real I’m not facing infertility, so like, I don’t want to judge anyone for making that choice as an adult, but no I don’t believe that a child can fully comprehend the risks they’re taking. So yes, that is a strong opinion I have.

Every other strong opinion that you people want me to have, I probably don’t have. Here’s my strong opinion- I think that I would like to do with my life the actions that aid the wellbeing of people who experience gender dysphoria. I would like that to be the case. I don’t think that I understand what all those actions are, I think that lots of people who have also dedicated their lives to that goal don’t understand what all those actions are. I think that the reality of providing care to people is more complex and more complicated than the WPATH party line right now is giving it credit for. I think there are many practitioners actually who feel very strongly about the wellbeing of people with gender dysphoria who have had doubts for years. I think a group of people, a group of good-hearted people, are trying to figure it out, and it is absolutely the case that a group of smart, good-hearted people can do the wrong thing for awhile! Can make big mistakes! I know that people would like…I know people would like me to have much more opinions than I have. But, I have a very specific goal with these videos.

The goals for this video are I want people who need some help in the detransition process to have a face to look at telling them that it’s gonna be ok, that they are in no way weak, that they are in no way transphobic for these choices, that they don’t have to be ashamed, that you’re good. Let me take that hit, let me be the crazy person who should be ashamed and was weak and all this stuff, I’ll take that hit and then you can be next wave, who gets to like , “well they aren’t as crazy as Carey Callahan so they’re really doing ok.” That’s my first goal, and my second goal is to complicate the narrative so that professionals and other people with gender dysphoria can think with more clarity and more nuance about what is actually best for them in their specific life. That’s enough for me. That’s enough for me. I don’t need, I don’t need to have any other opinion.

I had someone,….I’m following the Jordan Peterson thing, I follow a lot of you know, things on trans stuff, and someone was like, “oh well you seem like a calm person-” that’s an illusion. I often have a lot of swirling emotions going on inside. “Do you have an opinion about this Jordan Peterson thing?” You are never going to get me to give an opinion on something like that. Every time someone asks me about gender neutral pronouns or bathrooms what I’m gonna do is redirect you to the student loan crisis. There are enough people with opinions on that shit;. I got goals here. I got goals. I want people who have some regrets about the medical interventions they’ve pursued to be able to talk freely about it, to be able to get support, to be able to organize, to be able to give feedback back to the medical community to enhance the care that the medical community gives. And I want people thinking about these interventions to be able to think clearly, to be able to think about these decisions in a completely informed manner, in a completely self-interested manner.

You know, one of the things about the trans community having this, you know, this narrative of pushing for trans rights and kind of this like idea that they have to push for a lot of stuff and everyone’s opposing them, is that it creates this self-editing when people talk about their stories and experiences, because they don’t want to hurt the trans community and like I think that’s a toxic group dynamic. That doesn’t mean that I think the group is terrible. It means I think that the group has a bad dynamic. Lots of groups get into weird….create weird dynamics. You don’t write off everyone because they make some weird shit happen, if you write off everyone who like, does that, you’re gonna have to write off every single person on the planet.

So the reality is that like, as of right now with who reposts my videos and who engages me in dialogue and stuff, I think I’m reaching a lot of people through my emails who I think understand what a fence-sitter I actually am. Like, that actually what I’m interested in is people’s wellbeing, beyond pushing an ideological agenda, I think pushing ideological agendas in terms of providing care to people is bad news! But there are obviously a lot of people not understanding that, so let me just break it down for you now- yeah, I’m a fence-sitter. You’re not going to get out, get from me what you want from me. You have people on the internet doing that! You have lots of people on youtube who are more than willing to give you every single opinion ever about every single thing that happens on the news. That’s not what’s going on here. This is about creating support. It’s about creating ways for people to connect. It’s about creating….just like, I’m just trying to create the videos that I needed to see. And I know that’s like disappointing to a lot of people. But, but there’s a reason that there isn’t a Patreon button anywhere on my blog. Because I know that once I take money from the audience, I’m gonna have to give the audience what it wants, and I see a need in the world for detransitioners to connect and for other people who it’s not necessarily that they need to detransition but they do need to think with more nuance about the medical interventions they’re participating in. They also need to hear these stories.

I don’t know, I guess in sum, don’t send these videos to trans people encouraging them to detransition, don’t. I don’t need the work. I don’t think that, the people I have known who have detransitioned purely for political reasons, which I actually don’t know very many of those by the way, they have the hardest time. Detransitioning for me was really about self-care, like, this avenue is not working to decrease my distress, I have to move on and find another avenue that decreases my distress. And if you make it too political then like, well I’m sorry, laying in bed reading Mary Daly is not actually going to decrease your gender dysphoria, it’s not what’s gonna happen. Like you gotta get your body to a yoga class, you gotta like take better care of yourself.

Ok. That’s my angry video. This isn’t…don’t try to recruit people into detransition. Don’t. We have enough people. We’re gonna have a lot more but like we have enough people and it would be better….it would be better if really everyone just thought about this in terms of their self-interest and their well-being, and explored all their options for what increases their well-being and what is in their self-interest. Regardless of the political ideology that you would like people to buy into. On both sides!

I’m talking to, look, I’m talking to the WPATH people, I’m talking to the Radfem people, I’m talking to the Christian people, there’s probably a bunch of other groups swirling around that I’m also talking to. This is not about a belief system, it’s not about an ideology. It’s about people getting to make their choices in a way that advances their own self-interest and their own well-being. Ok. That’s my pissed off video. I’m gonna go to a hot yoga class cause I feel so riled up, and it is a thing that if I’m too riled up for too long I will get pretty bad body dysmorphia. That’s a weird connection. Let’s think about that for awhile. Bye.

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