I think it’s about to be a weird week.
Being featured in The National Review as one example of a troubled young woman who was encouraged in a self-harming behavior was weird. On the one hand, I’m totally troubled. On the other hand, WOOT, still passing as a young person! It was like getting carded at a bar except in a national publication. Love it.
You could tell the video was drawing a different crowd by the youtube comments though. Some comments about patriarchy not existing, some comments about “is this a man or a woman?,” and way more comments saying if I was truly at peace I wouldn’t need to make youtube videos.
The part I hated the most of performing standup was after I did my set, when people in the audience would talk to me about my set. Standup exists because venue owners want to sell liquor, so it would be a bunch of drunk people thinking they were also funny people now, having laughed for awhile. And it would just be a lot of the same conversation over and over, and a lot of people thinking they knew me on a deep level. Now, that’s actually what you want people to feel about you as a performer. The fundamental illusion of standup is that you’re not putting on an act up there.
So I have really developed the skill of very quickly dismissing someone who’s talking stupid. It’s not nice to stop listening to someone because it’s become clear to you they’re talking stupid. But folks- so many people have so many dumb, simple opinions that they think are valuable for other people to hear. Ironically the smart, complex takes they have about things are usually the hardest to convince them to share. But the dumb shit they will share immediately.
Who I’m interested in reaching with these videos are two very specific demographics:
-people who are detransitioning and feel fucked up about it
-people who are transitioning and are not being honest with themselves about what’s motivating them to do it.
I’m going to catch a lot of people outside of these demographics who have got some dumb shit to say. That’s the nature of the internet. If for every 15 people who are totally unaffected by this stuff but who nonetheless want to tell me their take on me I get 1 person who is affected and needs to hear another person being honest about it, those are numbers I can deal with. I’m willing to sigh loudly about 15 dumb reactions to my life to get the 1 heartfelt email where someone is being vulnerable and deep about their own life.
I think I’m going to get a bunch of dumb reactions this week. It’ll be fine. People saying stupid stuff is the height of normalcy. Every time I get a sweet, sad, smart email it gives me the juice to remember what the heck I’m trying to do. Trying to keep some detransitioned people going! Trying to keep some inappropriate transition from happening! Alright alright!