Disappointing your friends/ being weird and ok

Wow, I really am addicted to making videos. It’s fun because it’s like standup but I don’t have to 1) make people laugh or 2) leave my apartment.

It is strange to go from having a secret pseudonym blog for a year and half to making videos every three days. Let’s be real- it’ll probably be no good for my writing. But it’s fun in another way.

I felt really tired at the end of this week, and that feeling kind of culminated in me getting into it on twitter with Julia Serano, which….man, it actually felt totally ok. She should watch how she talks about other people’s lives if she doesn’t want to get called out about it.

It’s interesting how much energy maintaining a separation in yourself takes. For the past year and a half I’ve been writing a secret blog (I told a lot of my friends about it, it wasn’t totally separate) and worried about how this would end up interacting with my real life. And now it’s all one life, and so far that’s just fine. So far, cool. I do organizing stuff with other detransitioned people, we support each other’s voices, we look for ways to create some care for detransitioned people and also for ways to stop inappropriate transition from happening in the first place. I’m not sure why I was so scared of being this person.

I don’t know folks. Being integrated feels nice. Life is so weird. But it finally feels ok. I live a weird life but I’m finally not freaked out about it. That’s really, really cool.



10 thoughts on “Disappointing your friends/ being weird and ok”

  1. One thing I have picked up on from your vlogs is that you’re into this. You’re not just doing it because you think you ought to. You’re exploring this new medium and you’re quite engaged with it. That should tell you something 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. More feedback, oblique this time.

    Don’t ever fall into believing it’s stupid to trust people. It can be really horrible sorting out how and who to trust. But don’t go down that dark road of thinking it’s pointless to even try to work this out.

    It can be really, really hard. And no, of course you should not trust randoms online who tell you to trust them, yikes.

    You can find friends and you can know they can be your friends because they are easy to befriend. Only you can see that.

    I don’t have a lot of friends but they are all like that, they are easy. Sometimes there is some tension between us but it doesn’t turn into horrible drama. We sort it out.

    None of my friends ever tried to tell me we were friends. We just got to talking and gradually worked out what we had in common. Sometimes it does take some work.

    It has to be horizontal, friendship. It can’t be a hierarchy, including a disguised one. It’s a making, not a decision or an identity. Love is primarily a transitive verb.

    Be well,


    Liked by 3 people

  3. Maria, I just recently found about you. You’re a brave woman and you have all my respect and support. I never considered seriously transition and for that I must thank my family, who never pushed me to conform to any gender expectations. It was society and a bunch of misguided people who tried to read me as a man – I always told them to shove it, but I really think that if my family had joined the rest of the world shaming/tricking me into thinking I’m actually a man, that would have been a very different, much harder life, I would have lived.

    I am finding myself more and more often speaking up against the trangender/transitioning trend, and I’m comfortable doing so with everyone, except for people who are considering transitioning or are already in the process. I’m always afraid I’ll just push them further into their delusional thinking by simply using logic and being upfront about the risks they are facing. Would you have any tips about dealing with them without causing any further damage for someone like me – a very concerned lesbian who has no real experience/training dealing with this kind of people?

    Thanks for being so awesome and for your fight.

    Liked by 3 people

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