Evil

I got told on twitter the way I used a quote was evil. Then that woman blocked me. So we didn’t really have an interaction.

Evil. The quote was “If you want to understand a problem, don’t look at who suffers from it, look at who profits from it.”

I didn’t say anything about that quote but you can read a lot into it- about doctors and therapists and drug companies. People earning livings, and trying to earn a living doing a thing that is helpful to people. Yeah, I do think the urge to be helpful gets muddled when a paycheck is attached to it. But that doesn’t mean people aren’t trying to do the right thing.

This woman said the way I used the quote was evil then she blocked me. I’m making an assumption that she’s trans or maybe she just loves someone who is trans. There are beliefs there about what people need to do to be able to happy and there are feelings attached to those beliefs about who is trying to get in the way of people being happy.

I can say over and over I don’t want to get in the way of anyone transitioning, I just want alternative treatments to gender dysphoria to be available and I want care for people who detransition to be available. But since I have been a trans person in my time, and since I have gone to some extreme lengths to get surgery, I know how crushing it can be to hear someone say something that implies you could be doing something different besides getting that those surgeries. Since I’ve been there, I know there’s really not a way I could argue myself out of looking evil with someone who has pinned happiness on GRS.

It’s just funny to relate so much to the person saying you’re being evil. It’s funny to have your imagination spiral out their emotional circumstances. It’s funny to want to respond with, “I know it’s hard hon, I know how very hard it is.”

People’s lives are so hard. You just want to grab a little joy, and not be told you’re bad for wanting to grab it, and not be told you gotta investigate why you want that particular joy or what the cost of that joy might be.Life is short! You could die tomorrow!

I saw there was a protest in support of the NC bathroom bill with all these mugshots of trans women on a huge banner. Hard to not label that evil. If you’re a trans woman who can’t pass chances are great you will get picked up for being suspected of prostitution, just for walking down the street. If you aren’t in a skilled, professional field the chances you will be unable to get a job and have to support yourself in some kind of illegal way are pretty high. Putting all those mugshots on a banner was beating up on a lot of powerless people, and the entire point of it was to make people afraid of those powerless people.

When I was trans, I never used the men’s bathroom. Because I didn’t pass, so I knew it would freak the dudes out to have me in there, even if they were totally chill about it. Also what if they weren’t chill about it and then I was in a little room with some un-chill dudes with their dicks out? I don’t put myself in little rooms with un-chill dudes with their dicks out.

This bathroom stuff is the new battleground in the culture war, and I think this is a profoundly stupid battleground. Lots of people can see a clear solution- “family,” gender-neutral bathrooms, if you don’t pass and you’re gonna freak someone out, use that one, if you do pass use the one for the gender you live as. If you see someone who doesn’t pass be chill about it unless they give you a reason to not be chill, like they whip out a camera or start jacking off.

But then you hear about a cross-dresser’s convention in a hotel where one of the most exciting parts for the men attending is getting to use the women’s restroom, and then you think about the family who booked their rooms not knowing about the cross-dresser’s convention, and what’s the solution there? There totally is one. You let the hotel know what bathrooms are for the convention attendees. You let the family know which bathrooms are for the convention attendees. There’s usually a way for everyone to get most of what they want, but usually not a way for people to get all of what they want.

I’m not going to call someone a bigot for not wanting to use the bathroom the cross-dresser’s convention is using. I am going to call someone a bigot for putting a bunch of mugshots on a banner. I am also going to call people inconsiderate, or maybe just a little too self-focused, if they don’t work out before the convention what bathrooms in the hotel the cross-dressers are going to use.

The thing is the solution is for everyone to be reasonable and chill, and that’s not something we can expect out of people I guess. Some people have to be cognizant of whether they’re gonna freak people out. Some people have to be cognizant of how freaked out they are getting and be committed to not freaking out when there’s no reason to.

The solution is for everyone to have manners, and consideration for others, and that’s not a reality. That’s not something we can expect from people.

I’m tired of people being divided into evil and good in these debates. I’m tired of all these false binaries and I guess I’m just way over people escalating shit endlessly. But really it doesn’t matter what I’m over, because endlessly escalating conflict on shit you could work out if people were willing to sit down with each other is like, the most human process we can participate in.

If you need my opinion, I think the NC bill is evil. And the Mississippi bill. And the South Carolina bill. I think they are also very calculated, and the people behind those calculations are not church groups and not the people who made that mugshot banner- they are the very wealthy people who this culture war battleground serves. This escalation is part of their plan. I don’t know how to interrupt the process. I do think at the end of the this battle trans people, lesbians, gays, and just working people are going to have their rights and protections against their bosses seriously curtailed. Hopefully I’m wrong about that.

I don’t like being called evil, however it’s probably good for me to be called evil by someone who I really don’t think is at all evil, and someone who I can kind of see why they would see me that way. It’s probably the best kind of person to call you evil. Keeps you on your toes about whether maybe you are being responsible with your words and actions, and also helps you remember what it feels like to be called evil.

Very few people are evil. Some people are the Koch brothers though. That’s a binary I can believe in.

 

5 thoughts on “Evil”

  1. From my perspective, trans activism consistently shitting on women’s fears, privacy, and welfare regarding the bathroom issue is also evil.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Handing a depressed/anxious teen a prescription for T after one visit, with NO substantive discussion of potential physical/emotional side effects, is evil. Sorry, but it is. That’s what’s happening out here, all in the name of social justice. How did we get to this place so fast? A lot of kind-hearted therapists trying to do good, yes. (But also some very rich, middle-aged, male transwomen in the background driving the narrative bus … and some high-ego endocrinologists trying to make their mark on science history … and, oh yeah, there is, in fact, money involved …..) Teaching people that this level of disassociation from their bodies is healthy and somehow “natural” is … evil. IMO.

    Liked by 3 people

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